Third Period History
Rebecca Henderson was just about to fall to sleep in her cozy bed on a Friday night. The long school week was over, as was its drama. All things considered she felt rather fortunate as she stared through her window and in to the night sky filled with stars. Her fan was running on medium, and the breeze it created helped to soothe the stress that had overcome her recently. She let her eyes close ever so slowly and just as she felt sleep creeping up on her, it was too late, and she gave in to blissful nothingness.
Monday morning at 7:00AM Rebecca’s alarm was blaring loudly in to her right ear. She managed to locate it through her squinting eyes, and hit the snooze button abruptly. She hated Monday mornings. It was like seeing an entire baseball stadium and being told to clean off all the seats. Monday morning marked the beginning – the very beginning – of a school week. It wasn’t that she hated school, but rather that she hated class. Rebecca was a very hard worker, and always did her best to study and ask for help, but for some reason her grades were never excellent. She envied the smarter students who never had to study for anything, and secretly wished that she was able to do so as well. Her best friend Amy helped with the task of waking up on Monday morning. They had known each other for several years now, and whenever Rebecca broke down because of how hard her classes were, Amy was there to help her as best she could. Just thinking of Amy as her alarm went off ten minutes later, she was able to muster up the willpower to heave herself out of bed. It was going to be another long week filled with D’s, F’s, and hopefully at least a couple of C’s.
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Charlie Bruhn was now entering his twelfth straight hour of playing his favorite computer game. He had started ever since he woke up, and had only left his room to go to the bathroom and put Hot Pockets in the microwave. Redfall was one of the most popular online computer adventure games for kids in 2005, and since he purchased it in January of that year Charlie had already logged on over 250 real-life days playing the game. Charlie knew that meant that over half of this last year was spent sitting in a chair staring at a screen, but it was fun to him, so he didn’t care. His parents would try to object, but ultimately were quelled when Charlie said that he could be out drinking and smoking instead. This was Charlie’s ultimate defense – when in danger of having something taken away, present a worse alternative.
Charlie had a couple of high school friends, but not very many. Most of them were computer geeks like him who bragged about their characters during Computer Repair class at 9 in the morning. School hours for Charlie were just more hours that kept him away from his game. From the time he woke up to the time the final bell of the day rang all Charlie thought about was how much he hated school because it kept him away from his game. His grades were good enough to allow his parents to continue letting him play the game, but truthfully he never really tried hard in school. Charlie was definitely not a great-looking guy, but he managed to convince himself at some point during his sophomore year that he didn’t care. He didn’t take very good care of his face, so his acne was pretty bad, and he had gained a lot of weight by never taking time to get out and exercise. Somewhere deep down inside of himself, Charlie knew that he wanted to change his appearance, but if that meant giving up time from the game, he wasn’t willing to do it. He didn’t really need friends, since he had lots of friends in the game. They were people that played as much as he did, and people that thought he was a really cool guy. That was good enough for Charlie, at least for now.
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Rebecca’s least favorite day of the week started off horrendously. In her first period class, Math, she received the quiz that she took on Friday. She got a 56%. Honestly that was much better than she thought she had done, and overall better than the majority of her Math grades. She knew that a 56% wasn’t going to raise her grade to passing though, and thus began her sulking. She trudged to second period English, in which she was barely hanging on with a D, where she received an assignment from Ms. Indridge. Their first of two essay papers was to be due that Friday, which would account for about 15% of their overall grade. Rebecca knew that if she didn’t get a fairly decent grade on the paper, she would have to ace the second one, along with everything else, to have any hope of passing the class. Third period History wasn’t any better, for she learned that she had yet another project on the Holocaust due in four weeks. Of all her classes, History was her least favorite. She was relatively certain she could get a tutor for Math, and that her year-older brother could help her with writing English papers, but History was something she abhorred. She took solace in the fact that it was only an announcement, and that they wouldn’t actually start working on it for another two weeks. This gave her time to at least plan her inevitable failure.
At lunch Rebecca found Amy and told her all about how she hated Mondays. Amy told her that everything would eventually work out, and even shared a bit of good news with Rebecca. Amy told her that there was this guy in her second period Art class who she’s had a crush on forever, and that today he asked her out to a movie. Rebecca was very happy for Amy, but knew that later on that night she would spend time in her room wondering why boys never asked her to go to movies. Rebecca listened to Amy go on about how great of a guy he was until the lunch bell rang. Rebecca loved spending time with Amy, but hearing her talk about a love that she knew she had never known was a bit depressing. The second half of Rebecca’s day was not quite as overbearing as the first. She had gym (in which she actually had an “A”), Art (a “C”), Spanish (a “B”, thanks to her father’s bilingualism), and Biology (in which she had a borderline “B”, and of which was the only class that she found to be easy). When Rebecca finally got back home she ran up to her room, threw her bag next to her bed, and belly-flopped on her mattress. Mondays were so exhausting for her, and she was asleep in less than five minutes. She felt the stress of maintaining good grades finally catching up with her, and wondered how she would get through the next four days of school.
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Charlie woke up and saw that it was 7:55AM. School started at 8:15AM, so naturally he began to panic. Charlie was glad that he only lived about two minutes away from his school, which meant that he could wake up late like this and still make it on time. He regretted staying up until 3AM playing Redfall, but knew that he would be doing it again later that same night. Charlie slept through most of his first period class, and stumbled to his second. It wasn’t until lunch time a couple hours later that Charlie was actually fully awake. He was sitting outside by himself as he normally does, when he started to notice a certain pattern that his life takes. He never really enjoys anything in moderation, but rather becomes obsessed and addicted to things one at a time. He recalled that just a few years ago he used to spend all his free time playing basketball and baseball with his friends. Once they started drinking and smoking pot, he began reading books. He recalled one summer where he read over fifty books in just a few weeks. He’d lock himself up in his room and read by the window with his fan spinning endlessly overhead. He absorbed all of the fascination and allure that the books held, and soon wished to be a part of them. Something told him that it wasn’t healthy to wish to be a student at Hogwarts, or the bearer of a legendary ring, at least not in the sense of seriousness that he possessed. Then he began playing Redfall. He had always played videogames on and off during his life, but never had one taken him in as forcefully as this one. He forgot his friends (what little ones he had left) and neglected his family. Charlie snapped back to reality, and caught himself pondering over which obsession was going to overtake him next. Little did he know that he would have his answer by the end of the day.
Charlie was well in to his puberty years, and could sense his way of thinking changing already. He had begun to look at girls in a different way, although doing so only made him a bit more depressed, since he knew he could never manage to get a beautiful girl to go out with him. His recent criticisms of his looks most likely stemmed from the need to appear attractive to females. Charlie wanted to have more girl friends, or possibly a girlfriend. He never shared these thoughts with anyone else, but rather just contemplated them by himself at late hours of the night. On this particular day at school, Charlie seemed to take notice of all the couples at his high school. He noticed girls with guys practically leaning on them in front of their lockers, boyfriends and girlfriends sitting together at lunch holding hands, and others making out behind stairwells all over the school. It seemed that everywhere Charlie looked all he could see was other people in love. Well, Charlie knew it wasn’t love. Despite his poor appearance, and the fact that he had never been “in love”, Charlie knew much about love. He knew that most of these people were simply experiencing lustful tendencies. They were attached to the way a person looked, not to the way the person was. He was very mature in this aspect, but it did nothing to satiate his hunger for love. Before the final bell rang that day, and before Charlie was on his way home to Redfall, he had suddenly realized what his next obsession was going to be. He wanted to fall in love.
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Rebecca continued to worry about her grades well in to Tuesday. Her brother was too busy with his own work and friends to help her with her paper, and her father was on a business trip and unable to help her with Spanish homework. At some point in between going through all the various homework papers strewn about on her bed, a realization struck her. Unlike most realizations of the mind, this one felt like a bag of bricks being thrown at the side of her head. If she failed to get good grades, and didn’t manage to make at least passing in all of her subjects, she wouldn’t graduate. The thought of going through high school again – without Amy at that – was almost too much for her to bear. Feeling herself on the verge of a breakdown, she did the only thing she could think of – she called Amy on her cell phone. Then, for the first time in the years and years that she had known Amy, something happened for the very first time. Amy didn’t answer.
It was now approaching lunch time on Wednesday afternoon, and Rebecca was ready to go see what was up with Amy. She didn’t want to be mad with her from the get-go, since she could’ve been sick or in the hospital or something. Maybe something really awful happened, and she couldn’t answer now matter how much she wanted to. Giving Amy this benefit of the doubt, Rebecca headed in to the lunch room and sat at their usual table by the doors leading outside. Rebecca couldn’t tell what was going on, so she started looking around for Amy. She must have not made it to school today. Then did something bad really actually happen? Was Amy okay? Her stomach seemed to sink about a mile in to her intestines, which were twisting and turning like a roller coaster. If anything were to ever happen to Amy, she would be absolutely crushed. She even began to wonder if she’d be able to go on with her life if she didn’t have the support of Amy. Fearing the worst, Rebecca pulled her cell phone out of her purse and started to call Amy again. For a brief few seconds Rebecca’s heart stopped and pounded intensely within her chest. She could feel her ears throbbing, her brain in sync with them. Then, she heard the ringing of a phone on the opposite side of the cafeteria. She turned around as quickly as she could, and saw Amy sitting with the boy in her Art class. Rebecca hung up her phone, and Amy answered “Hello? Hello? They hung up…” Rebecca went through the rest of her school day with her head straight down and a scowl on her face. When she got home she went to bed immediately and was only awoken when her cell phone started to ring at about 7:30PM. She got up and walked over to her phone, where she saw: “Incoming Call – Amy”
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For the next couple of days Charlie downloaded movies with people in love, watched TV shows about people being in love, and looked up on the internet “how-to” steps on falling in love. He knew that things like that were ridiculous, but he wanted to do everything he could to get something that he desired more than anything else. After only a couple of movies and a few television shows, Charlie was already frustrated. Why is it these people could fall in love so easily? In only a few short hours these people got the love they wanted, and here he was suffering for days on end. He knew that to fall in love you have to make yourself available, and to be friendly. He also knew that by playing Redfall all day, he would never do that. Charlie had the important decision of whether he wanted to keep on playing the game that he was now addicted to, or to give himself a chance of possibly meeting someone special. The game was all that he had at this point in his life, and thinking of abandoning that was near impossible for him.
Soon Charlie’s boyhood fascination with the opposite sex became intensely more severe. After watching movie after movie where two people fall in love, make love, and live happily ever after, Charlie longed for love more than anything else in his entire life. His playtime hours on Redfall decreased dramatically, and some days he didn’t even play at all. He’d watch TV shows where beautiful teenage girls end up having relationships with other guys, and he’d feel envious towards fictional characters. Soon he started downloading pornography on his computer, mistaking the lustful images on the internet as some sort of love. He’d watch as people would be sitting and talking one minute, to having sex the next. Why wasn’t it this easy in real life? Why couldn’t he have sex with a girl from his school? Even if it was because of his looks, he always felt that there was something else there. Charlie would spend lonely nights on his personal computer downloading hours and hours of porn. One night he felt so ashamed after pleasuring himself for the umpteenth time, that he deleted all of it from his hard drive. He started to cry in his bed, wondering what kind of sick and twisted person he had become. It was so much better when he just played his videogame and was happy, but now he had become transformed in to some sex-deprived love-seeking maniac. He wished that he could just make friends and wait for his turn like everyone else, but his obsessive nature would not hear of it. He wanted love, and was willing to wait, but something much more powerful kept pushing him forward. It kept telling him that he needed it now, that he couldn’t wait a minute longer. It kept telling him that something was wrong with him if he couldn’t fall in love right now. Charlie became so upset that he finally decided to talk to someone. He logged on Redfall, eager to confide in to some of his best friends about his recent problems. Surely they would be understanding and try and relate to his problem. He logged on, only to find that none of them were online. It was already 2AM, and most of them were probably in bed by now, getting ready for the real lives that they had to live the following morning. It was then that Charlie finally realized the difference between the real-life friends he lacked, and the fantasy ones that he actually had.
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Before Rebecca could manage a “Hello”, Amy was already well in to her apology. She had said how sorry she was that she didn’t tell Rebecca sooner, but that she was asked in second period to sit with the boy at lunch, and she couldn’t refuse. She felt bad that she didn’t get the chance to invite Rebecca over until the table was already full, and continued to apologize for several minutes. Rebecca sounded apathetic, but said that it was okay and there were no hard feelings. Amy told her that she should sit with her and her new boyfriend at lunch the next day. Rebecca said that was fine. Amy continued to go on about the boy and all the things she had already mentioned a few days ago at lunch. Rebecca wished that Amy would realize how talking about all this stuff only made her feel worse about not having a boyfriend. Eventually Amy asked how classes were going, but more as an invitation for Rebecca to vent than as a serious question. Rebecca was getting ready to begin her usual tirade with, “You won’t believe what Mr.-“, but was interrupted by Amy, who said Jacob (her boyfriend) was calling, and that she had to go. Before Rebecca muttered out another indifferent response, Amy had already hung up the phone. With her best friend now that much more out of her life, and with another problem now occurring on top of her grades situation, Rebecca could only manage to do one thing before she felt herself starting to cry. She fell asleep.
Rebecca enjoyed sleeping because it allowed her a reprieve from all that was wrong in her life. Even if nightmares happened, at least when she awoke she felt reassured that it was only a dream. Even if it was only for a few seconds, she felt relieved and happy to be alive. That feeling right as she woke up from a bad dream is what she wanted to feel like all the time. She wanted to feel that sense of being alive every minute of her life.
The next day at school Rebecca had just managed to survive her first couple of periods before she remembered she was suppose to sit with Amy and Jacob at lunch. By the time she got to the cafeteria though, their table was already full. Rebecca found a table off to the side and sat and ate her lunch alone. She wasn’t bold enough to sit with strangers, and couldn’t spot any other friends in the immediate vicinity. Whenever she went around walking in the cafeteria during lunch she felt vulnerable. It was as if everyone sitting down turned their eyes to watch the lost girl trying to find someone to eat with. She felt pathetic if she walked around looking like she was lost for too long, so she decided she’d eat by herself. Friday came and went, but the same thing happened. The table was full by the time she got there, and she ate by herself. She supposed she could ask Amy to save her a seat, but Amy looked like she was having so much fun, that it wouldn’t feel like talking to the same person anymore. Despite all of the emotional turmoil, Rebecca had managed to bring her grade in Math up to passing, and her brother had helped her write an excellent paper for English. She was still failing History miserably, though, and knew that if she didn’t pass the class she wouldn’t get to walk. In light of recent events with Amy not getting to walk seemed like not that big of a deal. However there was still pressure to perform well from her parents and if she didn’t walk she knew that they would feel ashamed and embarrassed. She had the weekend ahead of her to get her act together, and then next week her History teacher would explain the project due in two weeks time. If she failed to pass this project, she would fail the course. If she failed the course, she couldn’t walk. Realizing that anxiety was about to build its way up inside of her, she fell asleep on her bed. While asleep she wouldn’t have to worry about Monday, or think about Amy, boys, grades, graduation, or anything. History class was miles away when she was sleeping. “If only I could sleep forever”, she thought to herself, as she easily slipped in to the depths of the unconscious.
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The second half of the week only gave Charlie more to brood about. Going to school never helped Charlie with any of his problems, and it was most certainly not going to surprise him in this case. Whenever he walked down the hall to and from his classes he’d look at girls walking the other way. They’d look at him for not even a second before averting their eyes to the ground, the wall, the ceiling, or anything else that wasn’t him. He felt like a disgusting monster at school, and wished that he’d never have to go back every time he came home. When he did get home Charlie didn’t play Redfall like he used to, but rather watched more and more movies. He got bored of only movies with love in them, so gradually he started mixing in violence. Some of the movies even combined the two in some form of rape or other sexual oddity. Charlie didn’t particularly like the movies, and wasn’t fascinated by them, but watched them nonetheless. Soon his passion to fall in love and his unexplainable desire to have a “special someone” turned in to a different emotion. At first it was subtle, with things like yelling at his dog and noting in his head that he hated certain people. His temper was noticeably shorter and much more aggressive towards other people. Personally Charlie thought that it all stemmed from the fact that he quit the game and was now suffering in the throes of loneliness. Unhappy and discontented, Charlie spent most of his time in envy of others at school. He hated how they all could fall in love, and he would never get the chance. No woman on the planet would give a second look towards him – not even his grandmother – and that infuriated his soul.
He returned to school on Monday a changed man. Not that anyone else would be able to tell since he hardly talked to begin with, but he was now a person filled with rage. Before he would stare at people and fantasize. He’d wonder what it would be like to have sex with this girl or that girl. He wondered what it would be like to marry this person or that person. His head was filled with confused and emotional thoughts that he couldn’t comprehend or put in order. Now he hated those that he was once enamored with. He hated all the beautiful girls who he would never get to have sex with. He hated the guys who had sex with them. He hated the boyfriends and girlfriends who kissed in the hallways, and who probably drove to each others houses after school to make sweet love in each others arms. He hated all of them. He didn’t want to think about them, but he was surrounded by them. He knew something was wrong in his thinking, and that he didn’t use to always think this way, but he was obsessing over it way too much. He knew likewise that it was unhealthy to hate people like this, and that it wasn’t their fault they thought they were in love. Still, he couldn’t help the fact that he envied all of them to the point of contempt, and would do anything to let them all know how he felt. This feeling is one Charlie would carry with him for the rest of the week, leading up to the weekend.
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Rebecca woke up Monday morning, but since she didn’t have a nightmare she wasn’t glad about it. When she had normal dreams, or when she couldn’t remember her dreams, waking up was a chore. She past in front of the bathroom mirror on her way to take a shower, and thought that she looked a little uglier than usual. Maybe it was a sign that her self-esteem was dropping, or it could’ve just been the fact that she had just woken up. Either way, the thought stuck with her throughout the entire day. Her classes were just as miserable as ever, with History being particularly agonizing. Since Amy had started seeing Jacob, she began to notice couples a lot more around the school. At lunch she even noticed that Amy and Jacob weren’t at their usual table. When she got up to go to the restroom, she saw them making out underneath the staircase that led up to the loft area. She past the bathroom mirror on her way to the stall, and thought she looked like a monster now. Surely no boy would ever ask her out, or take her to a movie, or fall in love with her. She nearly convinced herself that such a thing could and would never happen to her. It was happening to all of her other friends – so why not her? How come she didn’t get to fall in love? What was wrong with her? These are all questions that she asked herself a thousand times a day. Amy stopped calling her completely, for she was now infatuated with Jacob. Rebecca didn’t have to ask if they were having sex, because the make out session she witnessed was most certainly an indicator of that.
Rebecca ran up to her room after school and thought of all the things that had been going on in her life. She thought about Amy’s relationship, her grades, her graduation, and then she thought about the future. What about college, her major, and making friends there? What about finding a person to marry? There were so many challenges ahead of her that she had trouble keeping track of them all. She remembered her father used to tell her to take things one at a time, but she couldn’t help but feel despair at the thought of all these things. She remembered there used to be a time that she’d call Amy right about now, but having no one to turn to; she buried her face in her pillow and went to sleep. She woke up at about midnight, and headed downstairs. Tomorrow was the big unveiling of the History project, and the anxiety had finally caught up with her. She wasn’t quite thinking right, and knew that something inside of her felt different. She had felt abandoned by Amy, pressured by her family, and forsaken by all the teenage boys at her school. Classes were becoming more difficult now that finals were approaching, and while everyone else was busy planning for college and the future, she was caught in a swirling vortex of the present. Her problems seem to run around in one giant circle, always coming back to the same place they started. Finding a solution to such an impenetrable predicament seemed anything but feasible. She walked downstairs while crying softly so as not to wake her parents. The entire time her tunnel was becoming darker, with the light at the opposite end becoming smaller and smaller. Was she walking away, or was it getting smaller on its own while she stood still? She didn’t want to think about these things anymore. She wanted to go to back to sleep, since that was when she was happiest and at peace. She wanted to go to sleep forever, and not have to deal with these problems in her life right now. She wanted to wake up in a few years and hopefully have things be better. Right now, she didn’t want to live, she just wanted to sleep. And with that thought, Rebecca opened up the medicine cabinet next to the kitchen sink, and began perusing the variety of pills.
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Over the weekend Charlie felt the tension inside of him build up to an enormous amount. If it kept going at this rate, pretty soon even the slightest alteration would send him over the edge. He felt as if he was dangerous. The loneliness was finally getting to him, and his thoughts were becoming more and more violent and perverse. He downloaded over thirty hours of pornography that weekend, and watched it all day Saturday and Sunday, making sure to keep an ear out for his parents. He didn’t know how many times he could continue to pleasure himself to the things he was downloading. Each additional time he did he felt more and more ashamed. An hour later he would be overcome with the intolerable sensation to do it again, and he couldn’t help himself. Hours passed and with each successive porn star or film he hated everyone that much more. He hated the people he was watching and he hated the people at school who did the same things. Why did it have to be with his hand that his dreams were fulfilled? Why couldn’t there be someone in the world to love him and carry out these fantasies for him? Why did his love have to exist on a computer screen, being performed by desperate teenage girls and sorry excuses for men?
Charlie was up late Sunday night, getting ready to fall asleep before heading back to his prison-that-was-school the next morning. He saw a commercial for adult phone chatting, and an idea formed in his mind. He went downstairs and stole his mother’s credit card and dialed the number. He gave them the number and information on the card, and soon a woman answered the phone. Charlie didn’t know what to expect, or how these kinds of things worked. All he knew was that this woman could give him what he wanted. This woman could love him just like he wanted the girls at his high school to love him. She asked him if he was excited, and what he was wearing. Charlie mumbled for a few minutes, but soon began feeling more confident. He told the woman to start doing things to herself. He told her to do things to himself, and she said that she couldn’t. He told her not to stop, that she was doing a great job, but she said he was crazy, that she wasn’t even there. Charlie ignored the woman and kept on talking dementedly in to the phone. He told her not to stop, that she was wonderful, that he loved her, and more. The woman eventually realized that Charlie was practically doing her job for her, so she hung up. Charlie didn’t notice the dial tone on the phone until approximately three minutes later. By then, he had already finished what he thought the woman was doing. When he came to, he sat up in his bed and stared blankly in to his pitch-dark room. Although there was neither a mirror nor light to see it with, he sensed that his eyes were narrow and filled with a livid hunger.
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After staring at the pills for about twenty minutes, weighing the pros and cons of what it would be like to fall asleep forever, Rebecca closed the cabinet. She had only taken one sleeping pill, and was now on her way back to her room. Before falling asleep she decided to talk to perhaps the only person (or thing) that was bound to listen. She prayed to God that night to never allow her to kill herself. She knew that it was a wrong thing to do, but for a few moments that night she could see the positive side it might hold, if there was such a thing. Rebecca was not religious, and didn’t practice a particular religion, but after realizing she had just nearly killed herself, she decided the time was apt to pray. Her History project was going to start tomorrow, but the effects of the pill suppressed her anxiety about it, at least for the time being.
The bell rang to dismiss second period, and Rebecca was on her way to History class. Although she was slightly embarrassed about it, her legs were actually shaking as she made her way in to the room. Mr. Griffin (her History teacher) had already placed the project specifications on each of their desks. To Rebecca’s surprise, it was going to be a two-person project, and their partners were already picked out. This was delightful news, because it meant she at least had a chance to get a passing grade if she was paired up with someone who knew what they were doing. Finally, after being stranded out in the ocean for so long, a wave had finally come along to get her moving. She didn’t want to waste this impetus, and thus vowed to seize this opportunity to try and get her life moving again, starting with her grades. As it turns out (maybe by Mr. Griffin’s doing), her partner was Stephen, who was actually one of the best history students in the entire class. When Mr. Griffin told the two-person groups to gather, Stephen came over to sit by her and started discussing the project. Rebecca was very pleased that Mr. Griffin had given her someone who knew what they were doing. With Stephen as her partner, they were bound to get a pretty good grade, and that made her happy. She didn’t really know a lot about him, since he didn’t really talk much and just kind of went about doing his own thing. He seemed like a pretty nice kid, though.
Just about an hour or so later at lunch Rebecca went to sit by herself again, and started going over what she and Stephen discussed about the project. About five minutes after she had finished eating her lunch, Stephen had come over and asked to sit next to her. He said they could use lunch time to discuss the project if she wanted, which would mean they wouldn’t have to come in early or stay after school. Rebecca, who was both stunned by his impulsiveness and pleased by his gesture to sit with her, contentedly obliged. Rebecca thought that maybe things would actually start to get better, starting out with one of the most unlikely of candidates – her History project.
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Charlie seemed to drift effortlessly through school on Monday. He didn’t even think about the phone call, the porn on his hard drive, or the insatiable desires he felt during the day. All that filled his heart was hatred for all of those people who would never have to call a phone sex number out of loneliness, or download porn out of lack of having a girlfriend. He thought of how messed up of a kid he was, and how deranged and often times psychotic his thoughts were. The fact that he was able to appear calm above the storm that was raging inside of him scared him even more. His parents were still oblivious to his actions, as well as his pornography habits. They thought he was just an introspective person who liked to be alone and do things his own way. They decided to respect his decision not to drink and smoke like all the other kids, and thus let him be.
That night Charlie started thinking about things in a completely different way. Instead of allowing his anger and rage to overwhelm him, he decided to focus that power in to something else. He began scheming and calculating different scenarios that he could play out to let everyone know how he felt. He decided it was best for the world to know the kind of pain that he went through, so as to not turn a blind eye to it any longer. The only thing that he now wanted was to let everyone know how he felt. He wanted everyone to know the anger, rage, sadness, and desolation that filled his empty heart. His fruitless efforts to obtain love amassed to nothing more than an unrelenting desire to show others how it feels. Perhaps something wasn’t quite right in his head, or perhaps his head was transformed in to something that wasn’t right. Charlie didn’t have time to ponder over the nature and inner workings of his obsessive nature of things. He wanted to consume and overpower anything that stood in his way of finding love. He wanted to show all those who had love, what it felt like to have it taken away. For the last time ever, Charlie logged in to Redfall to tell his friends something very important. Disappointment sunk in again when he realized none of them were on, so instead he opted to send several of them a private message. They’d wake up in the morning expecting to check the sale of a sword or some magic spell, but instead they’d find a message from Charlie.
Charlie packed up his books and clothes for school, and put two of his father’s 9mm handguns in to his backpack. He watched pornography on his computer until the sun came up, and filled with resolution, he left for school.
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Rebecca hadn’t smiled so much in weeks. Stephen had called her to talk about the project some more the other night, and for the first time in weeks she was glad to be awake and not sleeping. She couldn’t believe just a few days ago that she had wanted to be asleep forever, yet all it took was one person who was assigned to do a project with her to turn things around. She knew that this meant she was incredibly likely to get to walk in graduation, which made her very happy. Spending time with someone else also took her mind off of Amy, who seemed to be less-than-happy as of late. She went through her first couple of periods without any problems (she now had a “C” in Math and a “B” in English) and arrived at History with a ridiculously big smile on her face. Stephen was already sitting next to her desk with his book and notes open. They had been working so efficiently that today they really didn’t have much to do until they started on the second phase of Nazi Germany. They talked a little bit about their personal lives, but mostly it was just all small talk. Stephen said he was glad that they were assigned together, because he saw that she always sat by herself at lunch, and he wanted a reason to go and join her. The continued to talk some more until class was over, and they promised to meet back up in about an hour for lunch.
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Charlie arrived at school still not entirely sure of what it was he planned to do. He had been scheming and planning something like this for weeks, but now that it came time to actually do it he was unsure of which method to take. Would he stand in the middle of the courtyard and kill himself? Would he go around the hallways shooting every couple holding hands? Would he find a girl alone in the locker room and rape her before killing her? Swirling images of all these things filled his head, and he was uncertain as to which would have the biggest impact. He wanted people to never forget him and what he was trying to say. He wanted everyone to know just how it was that he felt. He needed the most amount of people possible in one location. He had to wait until lunch time, and then he would once and for all show everyone his pain, his suffering, and his ruthless anguish. He had no specific targets, just anyone who looked like they were in love. Guys and girls kissing, holding hands, spending time together, whatever. Anything that embodied love would feel his wrath come noon. He hoped that people would realize in time that he did this in the name of love. He did this for the sake of all those lonely people who will have to go through the torment of yearning for love.
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Rebecca met Stephen in the lunch room and they sat at their usual table. They had their textbooks out, but neither of them opened them today. They started talking about their families, their classes, and all sorts of other things. Stephen thought that they were becoming really good friends, and he enjoyed spending time with Rebecca. He hoped that she enjoyed it as much as he did. Rebecca was just happy to have someone finally sitting with her at lunch. The loneliness that had overcome her was beginning to be a bit much, and she was even thinking about walking around looking helpless for a table with some people she recognized. Ten minutes in to their conversation about how horrible Math class was, several people started to look towards the stairs leading up to the loft. Stephen was facing the doors outside, so he couldn’t tell what was going on, but Rebecca was facing the stairwell where she had seen Amy making out with Jacob so many times. In the span of the next fifteen seconds, mayhem ensued.
Rebecca noticed a strange boy reaching inside his backpack at the bottom of the stairs. She thought his name was Charles or something, but wasn’t quite sure. He was always alone and looked pretty grumpy. She couldn’t recall ever talking with him, but didn’t have time to think about him any longer before she noticed what he was doing. Charlie was pulling out two 9mm pistols from his backpack. Rebecca’s eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly in shock. Charlie began to raise both of the guns in both hands. Stephen was in the process of turning his head when he heard shots being fired. He didn’t know where they were coming from, or who was shooting. He didn’t know how many of them there were, or what type of gun it was. He heard the shots bounce off walls and tables, and heard the cries and screams of several kids in the cafeteria. Stephen kicked his chair back with one foot and launched himself over the table towards Rebecca with the other. His arm caught her around the throat and she was forced to the ground. All the while bullets continued to rain down upon the unsuspecting crowd of students. No one knew which way to run, or if anywhere at all was safe. Everyone felt frightened and scared, just as Charlie had intended.
After those fifteen seconds of events, Charlie was wrestled to the ground where kids started to beat him in to submission. Mainly it was a senior on the wrestling team and a large black kid who played on the football team doing the damage. They held his arms down and punched him in the face, stomach, and crotch over and over. Eventually he was motionless and everyone backed away from him. Then, in half of a split second, Charlie raised the gun to his own head in a lightning-quick movement. The wrestler jerked his arm forward to grab it, but it was too late. Charlie had already fired. People screamed, and began to scan the cafeteria, looking for signs of those injured – or worse. Seven people were immobile on the ground, and bleeding heavily. Rebecca had her eyes closed, and was still taking in the entire situation. One second she was staring at Charlie in fright, and the next Stephen was leaping on top of her. Now she felt a thudding pain in her stomach area, and something heavy lying on top of her. She realized the something heavy was Stephen, and that she had been shot somewhere near the stomach. Stephen pushed himself off of her, and asked her in a concerned tone if she was okay. She had her hand over her stomach already, and was bleeding freely, but because of the shock she still could not say anything with much meaning. Stephen’s left shoulder had been hit by a bullet, and when the neurons of her brain finally settled for a moment, Rebecca realized that had been the same shoulder that was covering her throat merely seconds before. Rebecca felt like she had just woken up from a nightmare. She was so relieved to be saved, to have her life saved. She thought for sure that she was going to die, when she saw both Stephen leaping at her and Charlie pointing a gun at her. She was so happy as she let sweet relief rush in to take the place of terror. Then, her eyes began to slowly close, and she felt herself drifting off in to the land of dreams. For the first time in what seemed like forever she fought it, but in the end, her eyes ultimately closed.
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News reports of Charlie Bruhn and his Redfall messages soon spread throughout the media channels. His parents released statements saying that they never knew their son was going through such periods of intense rage. When the police found over 60GB of pornography on his computer, his parents were shocked. They never knew their son had such a sinful and horrific obsession. How he managed to hide it from both of them is still a mystery. Charlie’s mother regrets to this day not playing a more active role in her son’s life, and not forcing him to do things against his will. The official news report of the accident put the death toll at six at the scene of the crime, and one later in the emergency room. Eleven more were injured, and one – Rebecca Henderson – was in critical condition.
The local media covered the progress of Rebecca over the next several days. Her parents repeatedly gave statements regarding their thanks to everyone who prayed for their daughter’s safety. They were very grateful for all the support they were receiving, and hoped to God that their precious daughter would be okay. She was still unconscious, and her body was not yet maintaining life support on its own. Should she wake up the doctors would know that things were looking up, and she would be one step closer to surviving. Statistics were being thrown around as to the possible percentages of Rebecca’s recovery. Some doctors said that she might possibly end up in a coma for the rest of her life, fully unconscious and unaware of the world around her, or as one doctor put it – “An eternal sleep of the body”.
Stephen came by to visit Rebecca’s family and wish them the best, telling them that he was working on a project with her and was there with her during her last moments of consciousness. The family had heard from other witness statements on local news channels that this boy was responsible for saving their daughter’s life, and thanked him immensely. Everyone in the high school was praying for the well-being of Rebecca, and praying that she would make it through. Stephen prayed with her family, and the high school had a moment of silence every morning to pray for her. Even Amy, who only recently discovered Jacob had been cheating on her the entire time she was with him, joined in the prayers with a feeling of enormous regret and guilt. She, more than anyone else, longed so deeply from within her heart to talk to Rebecca just one more time. She wanted to apologize for everything she had done, and the neglect she had put her through.
At 8:03AM only a week after Charlie’s shootings, the doctor in charge of Rebecca’s care gathered her family for his announcement. A couple hours later, on the same day, Stephen was sitting in History class looking at Rebecca’s seat. More than anything in the world he, and countless others, wished that she would be okay. At approximately 11:26AM, the principal of the school interrupted classes on the intercom system.
The entire school erupted in cheers and shouts. Stephen looked over at her vacant seat, and smiled.
Monday morning at 7:00AM Rebecca’s alarm was blaring loudly in to her right ear. She managed to locate it through her squinting eyes, and hit the snooze button abruptly. She hated Monday mornings. It was like seeing an entire baseball stadium and being told to clean off all the seats. Monday morning marked the beginning – the very beginning – of a school week. It wasn’t that she hated school, but rather that she hated class. Rebecca was a very hard worker, and always did her best to study and ask for help, but for some reason her grades were never excellent. She envied the smarter students who never had to study for anything, and secretly wished that she was able to do so as well. Her best friend Amy helped with the task of waking up on Monday morning. They had known each other for several years now, and whenever Rebecca broke down because of how hard her classes were, Amy was there to help her as best she could. Just thinking of Amy as her alarm went off ten minutes later, she was able to muster up the willpower to heave herself out of bed. It was going to be another long week filled with D’s, F’s, and hopefully at least a couple of C’s.
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Charlie Bruhn was now entering his twelfth straight hour of playing his favorite computer game. He had started ever since he woke up, and had only left his room to go to the bathroom and put Hot Pockets in the microwave. Redfall was one of the most popular online computer adventure games for kids in 2005, and since he purchased it in January of that year Charlie had already logged on over 250 real-life days playing the game. Charlie knew that meant that over half of this last year was spent sitting in a chair staring at a screen, but it was fun to him, so he didn’t care. His parents would try to object, but ultimately were quelled when Charlie said that he could be out drinking and smoking instead. This was Charlie’s ultimate defense – when in danger of having something taken away, present a worse alternative.
Charlie had a couple of high school friends, but not very many. Most of them were computer geeks like him who bragged about their characters during Computer Repair class at 9 in the morning. School hours for Charlie were just more hours that kept him away from his game. From the time he woke up to the time the final bell of the day rang all Charlie thought about was how much he hated school because it kept him away from his game. His grades were good enough to allow his parents to continue letting him play the game, but truthfully he never really tried hard in school. Charlie was definitely not a great-looking guy, but he managed to convince himself at some point during his sophomore year that he didn’t care. He didn’t take very good care of his face, so his acne was pretty bad, and he had gained a lot of weight by never taking time to get out and exercise. Somewhere deep down inside of himself, Charlie knew that he wanted to change his appearance, but if that meant giving up time from the game, he wasn’t willing to do it. He didn’t really need friends, since he had lots of friends in the game. They were people that played as much as he did, and people that thought he was a really cool guy. That was good enough for Charlie, at least for now.
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Rebecca’s least favorite day of the week started off horrendously. In her first period class, Math, she received the quiz that she took on Friday. She got a 56%. Honestly that was much better than she thought she had done, and overall better than the majority of her Math grades. She knew that a 56% wasn’t going to raise her grade to passing though, and thus began her sulking. She trudged to second period English, in which she was barely hanging on with a D, where she received an assignment from Ms. Indridge. Their first of two essay papers was to be due that Friday, which would account for about 15% of their overall grade. Rebecca knew that if she didn’t get a fairly decent grade on the paper, she would have to ace the second one, along with everything else, to have any hope of passing the class. Third period History wasn’t any better, for she learned that she had yet another project on the Holocaust due in four weeks. Of all her classes, History was her least favorite. She was relatively certain she could get a tutor for Math, and that her year-older brother could help her with writing English papers, but History was something she abhorred. She took solace in the fact that it was only an announcement, and that they wouldn’t actually start working on it for another two weeks. This gave her time to at least plan her inevitable failure.
At lunch Rebecca found Amy and told her all about how she hated Mondays. Amy told her that everything would eventually work out, and even shared a bit of good news with Rebecca. Amy told her that there was this guy in her second period Art class who she’s had a crush on forever, and that today he asked her out to a movie. Rebecca was very happy for Amy, but knew that later on that night she would spend time in her room wondering why boys never asked her to go to movies. Rebecca listened to Amy go on about how great of a guy he was until the lunch bell rang. Rebecca loved spending time with Amy, but hearing her talk about a love that she knew she had never known was a bit depressing. The second half of Rebecca’s day was not quite as overbearing as the first. She had gym (in which she actually had an “A”), Art (a “C”), Spanish (a “B”, thanks to her father’s bilingualism), and Biology (in which she had a borderline “B”, and of which was the only class that she found to be easy). When Rebecca finally got back home she ran up to her room, threw her bag next to her bed, and belly-flopped on her mattress. Mondays were so exhausting for her, and she was asleep in less than five minutes. She felt the stress of maintaining good grades finally catching up with her, and wondered how she would get through the next four days of school.
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Charlie woke up and saw that it was 7:55AM. School started at 8:15AM, so naturally he began to panic. Charlie was glad that he only lived about two minutes away from his school, which meant that he could wake up late like this and still make it on time. He regretted staying up until 3AM playing Redfall, but knew that he would be doing it again later that same night. Charlie slept through most of his first period class, and stumbled to his second. It wasn’t until lunch time a couple hours later that Charlie was actually fully awake. He was sitting outside by himself as he normally does, when he started to notice a certain pattern that his life takes. He never really enjoys anything in moderation, but rather becomes obsessed and addicted to things one at a time. He recalled that just a few years ago he used to spend all his free time playing basketball and baseball with his friends. Once they started drinking and smoking pot, he began reading books. He recalled one summer where he read over fifty books in just a few weeks. He’d lock himself up in his room and read by the window with his fan spinning endlessly overhead. He absorbed all of the fascination and allure that the books held, and soon wished to be a part of them. Something told him that it wasn’t healthy to wish to be a student at Hogwarts, or the bearer of a legendary ring, at least not in the sense of seriousness that he possessed. Then he began playing Redfall. He had always played videogames on and off during his life, but never had one taken him in as forcefully as this one. He forgot his friends (what little ones he had left) and neglected his family. Charlie snapped back to reality, and caught himself pondering over which obsession was going to overtake him next. Little did he know that he would have his answer by the end of the day.
Charlie was well in to his puberty years, and could sense his way of thinking changing already. He had begun to look at girls in a different way, although doing so only made him a bit more depressed, since he knew he could never manage to get a beautiful girl to go out with him. His recent criticisms of his looks most likely stemmed from the need to appear attractive to females. Charlie wanted to have more girl friends, or possibly a girlfriend. He never shared these thoughts with anyone else, but rather just contemplated them by himself at late hours of the night. On this particular day at school, Charlie seemed to take notice of all the couples at his high school. He noticed girls with guys practically leaning on them in front of their lockers, boyfriends and girlfriends sitting together at lunch holding hands, and others making out behind stairwells all over the school. It seemed that everywhere Charlie looked all he could see was other people in love. Well, Charlie knew it wasn’t love. Despite his poor appearance, and the fact that he had never been “in love”, Charlie knew much about love. He knew that most of these people were simply experiencing lustful tendencies. They were attached to the way a person looked, not to the way the person was. He was very mature in this aspect, but it did nothing to satiate his hunger for love. Before the final bell rang that day, and before Charlie was on his way home to Redfall, he had suddenly realized what his next obsession was going to be. He wanted to fall in love.
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Rebecca continued to worry about her grades well in to Tuesday. Her brother was too busy with his own work and friends to help her with her paper, and her father was on a business trip and unable to help her with Spanish homework. At some point in between going through all the various homework papers strewn about on her bed, a realization struck her. Unlike most realizations of the mind, this one felt like a bag of bricks being thrown at the side of her head. If she failed to get good grades, and didn’t manage to make at least passing in all of her subjects, she wouldn’t graduate. The thought of going through high school again – without Amy at that – was almost too much for her to bear. Feeling herself on the verge of a breakdown, she did the only thing she could think of – she called Amy on her cell phone. Then, for the first time in the years and years that she had known Amy, something happened for the very first time. Amy didn’t answer.
It was now approaching lunch time on Wednesday afternoon, and Rebecca was ready to go see what was up with Amy. She didn’t want to be mad with her from the get-go, since she could’ve been sick or in the hospital or something. Maybe something really awful happened, and she couldn’t answer now matter how much she wanted to. Giving Amy this benefit of the doubt, Rebecca headed in to the lunch room and sat at their usual table by the doors leading outside. Rebecca couldn’t tell what was going on, so she started looking around for Amy. She must have not made it to school today. Then did something bad really actually happen? Was Amy okay? Her stomach seemed to sink about a mile in to her intestines, which were twisting and turning like a roller coaster. If anything were to ever happen to Amy, she would be absolutely crushed. She even began to wonder if she’d be able to go on with her life if she didn’t have the support of Amy. Fearing the worst, Rebecca pulled her cell phone out of her purse and started to call Amy again. For a brief few seconds Rebecca’s heart stopped and pounded intensely within her chest. She could feel her ears throbbing, her brain in sync with them. Then, she heard the ringing of a phone on the opposite side of the cafeteria. She turned around as quickly as she could, and saw Amy sitting with the boy in her Art class. Rebecca hung up her phone, and Amy answered “Hello? Hello? They hung up…” Rebecca went through the rest of her school day with her head straight down and a scowl on her face. When she got home she went to bed immediately and was only awoken when her cell phone started to ring at about 7:30PM. She got up and walked over to her phone, where she saw: “Incoming Call – Amy”
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For the next couple of days Charlie downloaded movies with people in love, watched TV shows about people being in love, and looked up on the internet “how-to” steps on falling in love. He knew that things like that were ridiculous, but he wanted to do everything he could to get something that he desired more than anything else. After only a couple of movies and a few television shows, Charlie was already frustrated. Why is it these people could fall in love so easily? In only a few short hours these people got the love they wanted, and here he was suffering for days on end. He knew that to fall in love you have to make yourself available, and to be friendly. He also knew that by playing Redfall all day, he would never do that. Charlie had the important decision of whether he wanted to keep on playing the game that he was now addicted to, or to give himself a chance of possibly meeting someone special. The game was all that he had at this point in his life, and thinking of abandoning that was near impossible for him.
Soon Charlie’s boyhood fascination with the opposite sex became intensely more severe. After watching movie after movie where two people fall in love, make love, and live happily ever after, Charlie longed for love more than anything else in his entire life. His playtime hours on Redfall decreased dramatically, and some days he didn’t even play at all. He’d watch TV shows where beautiful teenage girls end up having relationships with other guys, and he’d feel envious towards fictional characters. Soon he started downloading pornography on his computer, mistaking the lustful images on the internet as some sort of love. He’d watch as people would be sitting and talking one minute, to having sex the next. Why wasn’t it this easy in real life? Why couldn’t he have sex with a girl from his school? Even if it was because of his looks, he always felt that there was something else there. Charlie would spend lonely nights on his personal computer downloading hours and hours of porn. One night he felt so ashamed after pleasuring himself for the umpteenth time, that he deleted all of it from his hard drive. He started to cry in his bed, wondering what kind of sick and twisted person he had become. It was so much better when he just played his videogame and was happy, but now he had become transformed in to some sex-deprived love-seeking maniac. He wished that he could just make friends and wait for his turn like everyone else, but his obsessive nature would not hear of it. He wanted love, and was willing to wait, but something much more powerful kept pushing him forward. It kept telling him that he needed it now, that he couldn’t wait a minute longer. It kept telling him that something was wrong with him if he couldn’t fall in love right now. Charlie became so upset that he finally decided to talk to someone. He logged on Redfall, eager to confide in to some of his best friends about his recent problems. Surely they would be understanding and try and relate to his problem. He logged on, only to find that none of them were online. It was already 2AM, and most of them were probably in bed by now, getting ready for the real lives that they had to live the following morning. It was then that Charlie finally realized the difference between the real-life friends he lacked, and the fantasy ones that he actually had.
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Before Rebecca could manage a “Hello”, Amy was already well in to her apology. She had said how sorry she was that she didn’t tell Rebecca sooner, but that she was asked in second period to sit with the boy at lunch, and she couldn’t refuse. She felt bad that she didn’t get the chance to invite Rebecca over until the table was already full, and continued to apologize for several minutes. Rebecca sounded apathetic, but said that it was okay and there were no hard feelings. Amy told her that she should sit with her and her new boyfriend at lunch the next day. Rebecca said that was fine. Amy continued to go on about the boy and all the things she had already mentioned a few days ago at lunch. Rebecca wished that Amy would realize how talking about all this stuff only made her feel worse about not having a boyfriend. Eventually Amy asked how classes were going, but more as an invitation for Rebecca to vent than as a serious question. Rebecca was getting ready to begin her usual tirade with, “You won’t believe what Mr.-“, but was interrupted by Amy, who said Jacob (her boyfriend) was calling, and that she had to go. Before Rebecca muttered out another indifferent response, Amy had already hung up the phone. With her best friend now that much more out of her life, and with another problem now occurring on top of her grades situation, Rebecca could only manage to do one thing before she felt herself starting to cry. She fell asleep.
Rebecca enjoyed sleeping because it allowed her a reprieve from all that was wrong in her life. Even if nightmares happened, at least when she awoke she felt reassured that it was only a dream. Even if it was only for a few seconds, she felt relieved and happy to be alive. That feeling right as she woke up from a bad dream is what she wanted to feel like all the time. She wanted to feel that sense of being alive every minute of her life.
The next day at school Rebecca had just managed to survive her first couple of periods before she remembered she was suppose to sit with Amy and Jacob at lunch. By the time she got to the cafeteria though, their table was already full. Rebecca found a table off to the side and sat and ate her lunch alone. She wasn’t bold enough to sit with strangers, and couldn’t spot any other friends in the immediate vicinity. Whenever she went around walking in the cafeteria during lunch she felt vulnerable. It was as if everyone sitting down turned their eyes to watch the lost girl trying to find someone to eat with. She felt pathetic if she walked around looking like she was lost for too long, so she decided she’d eat by herself. Friday came and went, but the same thing happened. The table was full by the time she got there, and she ate by herself. She supposed she could ask Amy to save her a seat, but Amy looked like she was having so much fun, that it wouldn’t feel like talking to the same person anymore. Despite all of the emotional turmoil, Rebecca had managed to bring her grade in Math up to passing, and her brother had helped her write an excellent paper for English. She was still failing History miserably, though, and knew that if she didn’t pass the class she wouldn’t get to walk. In light of recent events with Amy not getting to walk seemed like not that big of a deal. However there was still pressure to perform well from her parents and if she didn’t walk she knew that they would feel ashamed and embarrassed. She had the weekend ahead of her to get her act together, and then next week her History teacher would explain the project due in two weeks time. If she failed to pass this project, she would fail the course. If she failed the course, she couldn’t walk. Realizing that anxiety was about to build its way up inside of her, she fell asleep on her bed. While asleep she wouldn’t have to worry about Monday, or think about Amy, boys, grades, graduation, or anything. History class was miles away when she was sleeping. “If only I could sleep forever”, she thought to herself, as she easily slipped in to the depths of the unconscious.
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The second half of the week only gave Charlie more to brood about. Going to school never helped Charlie with any of his problems, and it was most certainly not going to surprise him in this case. Whenever he walked down the hall to and from his classes he’d look at girls walking the other way. They’d look at him for not even a second before averting their eyes to the ground, the wall, the ceiling, or anything else that wasn’t him. He felt like a disgusting monster at school, and wished that he’d never have to go back every time he came home. When he did get home Charlie didn’t play Redfall like he used to, but rather watched more and more movies. He got bored of only movies with love in them, so gradually he started mixing in violence. Some of the movies even combined the two in some form of rape or other sexual oddity. Charlie didn’t particularly like the movies, and wasn’t fascinated by them, but watched them nonetheless. Soon his passion to fall in love and his unexplainable desire to have a “special someone” turned in to a different emotion. At first it was subtle, with things like yelling at his dog and noting in his head that he hated certain people. His temper was noticeably shorter and much more aggressive towards other people. Personally Charlie thought that it all stemmed from the fact that he quit the game and was now suffering in the throes of loneliness. Unhappy and discontented, Charlie spent most of his time in envy of others at school. He hated how they all could fall in love, and he would never get the chance. No woman on the planet would give a second look towards him – not even his grandmother – and that infuriated his soul.
He returned to school on Monday a changed man. Not that anyone else would be able to tell since he hardly talked to begin with, but he was now a person filled with rage. Before he would stare at people and fantasize. He’d wonder what it would be like to have sex with this girl or that girl. He wondered what it would be like to marry this person or that person. His head was filled with confused and emotional thoughts that he couldn’t comprehend or put in order. Now he hated those that he was once enamored with. He hated all the beautiful girls who he would never get to have sex with. He hated the guys who had sex with them. He hated the boyfriends and girlfriends who kissed in the hallways, and who probably drove to each others houses after school to make sweet love in each others arms. He hated all of them. He didn’t want to think about them, but he was surrounded by them. He knew something was wrong in his thinking, and that he didn’t use to always think this way, but he was obsessing over it way too much. He knew likewise that it was unhealthy to hate people like this, and that it wasn’t their fault they thought they were in love. Still, he couldn’t help the fact that he envied all of them to the point of contempt, and would do anything to let them all know how he felt. This feeling is one Charlie would carry with him for the rest of the week, leading up to the weekend.
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Rebecca woke up Monday morning, but since she didn’t have a nightmare she wasn’t glad about it. When she had normal dreams, or when she couldn’t remember her dreams, waking up was a chore. She past in front of the bathroom mirror on her way to take a shower, and thought that she looked a little uglier than usual. Maybe it was a sign that her self-esteem was dropping, or it could’ve just been the fact that she had just woken up. Either way, the thought stuck with her throughout the entire day. Her classes were just as miserable as ever, with History being particularly agonizing. Since Amy had started seeing Jacob, she began to notice couples a lot more around the school. At lunch she even noticed that Amy and Jacob weren’t at their usual table. When she got up to go to the restroom, she saw them making out underneath the staircase that led up to the loft area. She past the bathroom mirror on her way to the stall, and thought she looked like a monster now. Surely no boy would ever ask her out, or take her to a movie, or fall in love with her. She nearly convinced herself that such a thing could and would never happen to her. It was happening to all of her other friends – so why not her? How come she didn’t get to fall in love? What was wrong with her? These are all questions that she asked herself a thousand times a day. Amy stopped calling her completely, for she was now infatuated with Jacob. Rebecca didn’t have to ask if they were having sex, because the make out session she witnessed was most certainly an indicator of that.
Rebecca ran up to her room after school and thought of all the things that had been going on in her life. She thought about Amy’s relationship, her grades, her graduation, and then she thought about the future. What about college, her major, and making friends there? What about finding a person to marry? There were so many challenges ahead of her that she had trouble keeping track of them all. She remembered her father used to tell her to take things one at a time, but she couldn’t help but feel despair at the thought of all these things. She remembered there used to be a time that she’d call Amy right about now, but having no one to turn to; she buried her face in her pillow and went to sleep. She woke up at about midnight, and headed downstairs. Tomorrow was the big unveiling of the History project, and the anxiety had finally caught up with her. She wasn’t quite thinking right, and knew that something inside of her felt different. She had felt abandoned by Amy, pressured by her family, and forsaken by all the teenage boys at her school. Classes were becoming more difficult now that finals were approaching, and while everyone else was busy planning for college and the future, she was caught in a swirling vortex of the present. Her problems seem to run around in one giant circle, always coming back to the same place they started. Finding a solution to such an impenetrable predicament seemed anything but feasible. She walked downstairs while crying softly so as not to wake her parents. The entire time her tunnel was becoming darker, with the light at the opposite end becoming smaller and smaller. Was she walking away, or was it getting smaller on its own while she stood still? She didn’t want to think about these things anymore. She wanted to go to back to sleep, since that was when she was happiest and at peace. She wanted to go to sleep forever, and not have to deal with these problems in her life right now. She wanted to wake up in a few years and hopefully have things be better. Right now, she didn’t want to live, she just wanted to sleep. And with that thought, Rebecca opened up the medicine cabinet next to the kitchen sink, and began perusing the variety of pills.
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Over the weekend Charlie felt the tension inside of him build up to an enormous amount. If it kept going at this rate, pretty soon even the slightest alteration would send him over the edge. He felt as if he was dangerous. The loneliness was finally getting to him, and his thoughts were becoming more and more violent and perverse. He downloaded over thirty hours of pornography that weekend, and watched it all day Saturday and Sunday, making sure to keep an ear out for his parents. He didn’t know how many times he could continue to pleasure himself to the things he was downloading. Each additional time he did he felt more and more ashamed. An hour later he would be overcome with the intolerable sensation to do it again, and he couldn’t help himself. Hours passed and with each successive porn star or film he hated everyone that much more. He hated the people he was watching and he hated the people at school who did the same things. Why did it have to be with his hand that his dreams were fulfilled? Why couldn’t there be someone in the world to love him and carry out these fantasies for him? Why did his love have to exist on a computer screen, being performed by desperate teenage girls and sorry excuses for men?
Charlie was up late Sunday night, getting ready to fall asleep before heading back to his prison-that-was-school the next morning. He saw a commercial for adult phone chatting, and an idea formed in his mind. He went downstairs and stole his mother’s credit card and dialed the number. He gave them the number and information on the card, and soon a woman answered the phone. Charlie didn’t know what to expect, or how these kinds of things worked. All he knew was that this woman could give him what he wanted. This woman could love him just like he wanted the girls at his high school to love him. She asked him if he was excited, and what he was wearing. Charlie mumbled for a few minutes, but soon began feeling more confident. He told the woman to start doing things to herself. He told her to do things to himself, and she said that she couldn’t. He told her not to stop, that she was doing a great job, but she said he was crazy, that she wasn’t even there. Charlie ignored the woman and kept on talking dementedly in to the phone. He told her not to stop, that she was wonderful, that he loved her, and more. The woman eventually realized that Charlie was practically doing her job for her, so she hung up. Charlie didn’t notice the dial tone on the phone until approximately three minutes later. By then, he had already finished what he thought the woman was doing. When he came to, he sat up in his bed and stared blankly in to his pitch-dark room. Although there was neither a mirror nor light to see it with, he sensed that his eyes were narrow and filled with a livid hunger.
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After staring at the pills for about twenty minutes, weighing the pros and cons of what it would be like to fall asleep forever, Rebecca closed the cabinet. She had only taken one sleeping pill, and was now on her way back to her room. Before falling asleep she decided to talk to perhaps the only person (or thing) that was bound to listen. She prayed to God that night to never allow her to kill herself. She knew that it was a wrong thing to do, but for a few moments that night she could see the positive side it might hold, if there was such a thing. Rebecca was not religious, and didn’t practice a particular religion, but after realizing she had just nearly killed herself, she decided the time was apt to pray. Her History project was going to start tomorrow, but the effects of the pill suppressed her anxiety about it, at least for the time being.
The bell rang to dismiss second period, and Rebecca was on her way to History class. Although she was slightly embarrassed about it, her legs were actually shaking as she made her way in to the room. Mr. Griffin (her History teacher) had already placed the project specifications on each of their desks. To Rebecca’s surprise, it was going to be a two-person project, and their partners were already picked out. This was delightful news, because it meant she at least had a chance to get a passing grade if she was paired up with someone who knew what they were doing. Finally, after being stranded out in the ocean for so long, a wave had finally come along to get her moving. She didn’t want to waste this impetus, and thus vowed to seize this opportunity to try and get her life moving again, starting with her grades. As it turns out (maybe by Mr. Griffin’s doing), her partner was Stephen, who was actually one of the best history students in the entire class. When Mr. Griffin told the two-person groups to gather, Stephen came over to sit by her and started discussing the project. Rebecca was very pleased that Mr. Griffin had given her someone who knew what they were doing. With Stephen as her partner, they were bound to get a pretty good grade, and that made her happy. She didn’t really know a lot about him, since he didn’t really talk much and just kind of went about doing his own thing. He seemed like a pretty nice kid, though.
Just about an hour or so later at lunch Rebecca went to sit by herself again, and started going over what she and Stephen discussed about the project. About five minutes after she had finished eating her lunch, Stephen had come over and asked to sit next to her. He said they could use lunch time to discuss the project if she wanted, which would mean they wouldn’t have to come in early or stay after school. Rebecca, who was both stunned by his impulsiveness and pleased by his gesture to sit with her, contentedly obliged. Rebecca thought that maybe things would actually start to get better, starting out with one of the most unlikely of candidates – her History project.
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Charlie seemed to drift effortlessly through school on Monday. He didn’t even think about the phone call, the porn on his hard drive, or the insatiable desires he felt during the day. All that filled his heart was hatred for all of those people who would never have to call a phone sex number out of loneliness, or download porn out of lack of having a girlfriend. He thought of how messed up of a kid he was, and how deranged and often times psychotic his thoughts were. The fact that he was able to appear calm above the storm that was raging inside of him scared him even more. His parents were still oblivious to his actions, as well as his pornography habits. They thought he was just an introspective person who liked to be alone and do things his own way. They decided to respect his decision not to drink and smoke like all the other kids, and thus let him be.
That night Charlie started thinking about things in a completely different way. Instead of allowing his anger and rage to overwhelm him, he decided to focus that power in to something else. He began scheming and calculating different scenarios that he could play out to let everyone know how he felt. He decided it was best for the world to know the kind of pain that he went through, so as to not turn a blind eye to it any longer. The only thing that he now wanted was to let everyone know how he felt. He wanted everyone to know the anger, rage, sadness, and desolation that filled his empty heart. His fruitless efforts to obtain love amassed to nothing more than an unrelenting desire to show others how it feels. Perhaps something wasn’t quite right in his head, or perhaps his head was transformed in to something that wasn’t right. Charlie didn’t have time to ponder over the nature and inner workings of his obsessive nature of things. He wanted to consume and overpower anything that stood in his way of finding love. He wanted to show all those who had love, what it felt like to have it taken away. For the last time ever, Charlie logged in to Redfall to tell his friends something very important. Disappointment sunk in again when he realized none of them were on, so instead he opted to send several of them a private message. They’d wake up in the morning expecting to check the sale of a sword or some magic spell, but instead they’d find a message from Charlie.
“You’ve all been the best friends I’ve ever had. I love you all so much and wish I could be with you all forever. I’m leaving Redfall forever, and I want you all to know how much you mean to me. Please keep an eye out on your local news channels and city newspapers for me, where I’ll be saying my final goodbye, to all of you.” -Charlie
Charlie packed up his books and clothes for school, and put two of his father’s 9mm handguns in to his backpack. He watched pornography on his computer until the sun came up, and filled with resolution, he left for school.
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Rebecca hadn’t smiled so much in weeks. Stephen had called her to talk about the project some more the other night, and for the first time in weeks she was glad to be awake and not sleeping. She couldn’t believe just a few days ago that she had wanted to be asleep forever, yet all it took was one person who was assigned to do a project with her to turn things around. She knew that this meant she was incredibly likely to get to walk in graduation, which made her very happy. Spending time with someone else also took her mind off of Amy, who seemed to be less-than-happy as of late. She went through her first couple of periods without any problems (she now had a “C” in Math and a “B” in English) and arrived at History with a ridiculously big smile on her face. Stephen was already sitting next to her desk with his book and notes open. They had been working so efficiently that today they really didn’t have much to do until they started on the second phase of Nazi Germany. They talked a little bit about their personal lives, but mostly it was just all small talk. Stephen said he was glad that they were assigned together, because he saw that she always sat by herself at lunch, and he wanted a reason to go and join her. The continued to talk some more until class was over, and they promised to meet back up in about an hour for lunch.
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Charlie arrived at school still not entirely sure of what it was he planned to do. He had been scheming and planning something like this for weeks, but now that it came time to actually do it he was unsure of which method to take. Would he stand in the middle of the courtyard and kill himself? Would he go around the hallways shooting every couple holding hands? Would he find a girl alone in the locker room and rape her before killing her? Swirling images of all these things filled his head, and he was uncertain as to which would have the biggest impact. He wanted people to never forget him and what he was trying to say. He wanted everyone to know just how it was that he felt. He needed the most amount of people possible in one location. He had to wait until lunch time, and then he would once and for all show everyone his pain, his suffering, and his ruthless anguish. He had no specific targets, just anyone who looked like they were in love. Guys and girls kissing, holding hands, spending time together, whatever. Anything that embodied love would feel his wrath come noon. He hoped that people would realize in time that he did this in the name of love. He did this for the sake of all those lonely people who will have to go through the torment of yearning for love.
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Rebecca met Stephen in the lunch room and they sat at their usual table. They had their textbooks out, but neither of them opened them today. They started talking about their families, their classes, and all sorts of other things. Stephen thought that they were becoming really good friends, and he enjoyed spending time with Rebecca. He hoped that she enjoyed it as much as he did. Rebecca was just happy to have someone finally sitting with her at lunch. The loneliness that had overcome her was beginning to be a bit much, and she was even thinking about walking around looking helpless for a table with some people she recognized. Ten minutes in to their conversation about how horrible Math class was, several people started to look towards the stairs leading up to the loft. Stephen was facing the doors outside, so he couldn’t tell what was going on, but Rebecca was facing the stairwell where she had seen Amy making out with Jacob so many times. In the span of the next fifteen seconds, mayhem ensued.
Rebecca noticed a strange boy reaching inside his backpack at the bottom of the stairs. She thought his name was Charles or something, but wasn’t quite sure. He was always alone and looked pretty grumpy. She couldn’t recall ever talking with him, but didn’t have time to think about him any longer before she noticed what he was doing. Charlie was pulling out two 9mm pistols from his backpack. Rebecca’s eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly in shock. Charlie began to raise both of the guns in both hands. Stephen was in the process of turning his head when he heard shots being fired. He didn’t know where they were coming from, or who was shooting. He didn’t know how many of them there were, or what type of gun it was. He heard the shots bounce off walls and tables, and heard the cries and screams of several kids in the cafeteria. Stephen kicked his chair back with one foot and launched himself over the table towards Rebecca with the other. His arm caught her around the throat and she was forced to the ground. All the while bullets continued to rain down upon the unsuspecting crowd of students. No one knew which way to run, or if anywhere at all was safe. Everyone felt frightened and scared, just as Charlie had intended.
After those fifteen seconds of events, Charlie was wrestled to the ground where kids started to beat him in to submission. Mainly it was a senior on the wrestling team and a large black kid who played on the football team doing the damage. They held his arms down and punched him in the face, stomach, and crotch over and over. Eventually he was motionless and everyone backed away from him. Then, in half of a split second, Charlie raised the gun to his own head in a lightning-quick movement. The wrestler jerked his arm forward to grab it, but it was too late. Charlie had already fired. People screamed, and began to scan the cafeteria, looking for signs of those injured – or worse. Seven people were immobile on the ground, and bleeding heavily. Rebecca had her eyes closed, and was still taking in the entire situation. One second she was staring at Charlie in fright, and the next Stephen was leaping on top of her. Now she felt a thudding pain in her stomach area, and something heavy lying on top of her. She realized the something heavy was Stephen, and that she had been shot somewhere near the stomach. Stephen pushed himself off of her, and asked her in a concerned tone if she was okay. She had her hand over her stomach already, and was bleeding freely, but because of the shock she still could not say anything with much meaning. Stephen’s left shoulder had been hit by a bullet, and when the neurons of her brain finally settled for a moment, Rebecca realized that had been the same shoulder that was covering her throat merely seconds before. Rebecca felt like she had just woken up from a nightmare. She was so relieved to be saved, to have her life saved. She thought for sure that she was going to die, when she saw both Stephen leaping at her and Charlie pointing a gun at her. She was so happy as she let sweet relief rush in to take the place of terror. Then, her eyes began to slowly close, and she felt herself drifting off in to the land of dreams. For the first time in what seemed like forever she fought it, but in the end, her eyes ultimately closed.
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News reports of Charlie Bruhn and his Redfall messages soon spread throughout the media channels. His parents released statements saying that they never knew their son was going through such periods of intense rage. When the police found over 60GB of pornography on his computer, his parents were shocked. They never knew their son had such a sinful and horrific obsession. How he managed to hide it from both of them is still a mystery. Charlie’s mother regrets to this day not playing a more active role in her son’s life, and not forcing him to do things against his will. The official news report of the accident put the death toll at six at the scene of the crime, and one later in the emergency room. Eleven more were injured, and one – Rebecca Henderson – was in critical condition.
The local media covered the progress of Rebecca over the next several days. Her parents repeatedly gave statements regarding their thanks to everyone who prayed for their daughter’s safety. They were very grateful for all the support they were receiving, and hoped to God that their precious daughter would be okay. She was still unconscious, and her body was not yet maintaining life support on its own. Should she wake up the doctors would know that things were looking up, and she would be one step closer to surviving. Statistics were being thrown around as to the possible percentages of Rebecca’s recovery. Some doctors said that she might possibly end up in a coma for the rest of her life, fully unconscious and unaware of the world around her, or as one doctor put it – “An eternal sleep of the body”.
Stephen came by to visit Rebecca’s family and wish them the best, telling them that he was working on a project with her and was there with her during her last moments of consciousness. The family had heard from other witness statements on local news channels that this boy was responsible for saving their daughter’s life, and thanked him immensely. Everyone in the high school was praying for the well-being of Rebecca, and praying that she would make it through. Stephen prayed with her family, and the high school had a moment of silence every morning to pray for her. Even Amy, who only recently discovered Jacob had been cheating on her the entire time she was with him, joined in the prayers with a feeling of enormous regret and guilt. She, more than anyone else, longed so deeply from within her heart to talk to Rebecca just one more time. She wanted to apologize for everything she had done, and the neglect she had put her through.
At 8:03AM only a week after Charlie’s shootings, the doctor in charge of Rebecca’s care gathered her family for his announcement. A couple hours later, on the same day, Stephen was sitting in History class looking at Rebecca’s seat. More than anything in the world he, and countless others, wished that she would be okay. At approximately 11:26AM, the principal of the school interrupted classes on the intercom system.
“Please excuse the interruption, this is Principal Johnson speaking. I’d like you all to know that I just got off the phone with Mr. Henderson, and that earlier this morning Rebecca was showing signs of maintaining her own life support. Just minutes ago she regained consciousness, and doctors say that she is going to be just fine.”
The entire school erupted in cheers and shouts. Stephen looked over at her vacant seat, and smiled.
posted by Stephen at
5:22 PM
2 Comments:
Wow.
By
Anonymous, at 5:54 PM
excellent writing. thank you for giving a voice to all the lonely students sitting in high schools everywhere. i was reminded of the beatles song, "Eleanor Rigby". Look up the words on the internet. loneliness is everywhere. i'm glad stephen took a risk and stepped out of the loneliness and into a friendship. it ends your story on a hopeful note.
By
Anonymous, at 6:55 AM
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